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What to do about traitors?
6th April 2002

There is real danger in this modern age if the trust that we place in our young players is not returned by those that take advantage of absorbatent fees and the love of their fans. What I am refering to is the sort of behaviour whereby a player opts to represent TFC during the season, only to switch allegence on derby day. This trend originated when Crusty del Crispio played for MSFC earlier in the season. As if this was not bad enough, Crusty then supported El Presedente, his chosen team captain on the day, in claiming that El Presedentes had pipped TFC by one goal, when in fact the opposite was true. Blaming his lack of conversational English on the error, Crusty, we are pleased to report, accepted a 2 week fine and is today back at the spearhead of the TFC attack in their first ever 11 a side game. No doubt Crusty will be keen to have a good supply of crosses from our mid field dynamo Sucky Sucky, who's refusal to play for other teams, despite hostile approaches (Tony), show how the pressures of the game should be handled.

However, just when the sport had thought that it had found a new degree of civility, it has emerged that Mika and Hawky are not on the TFC team sheet as previously thought, but instead will be appearing for the Lawyers. This can only place the two Judas's in a holy unsavory position. Play well and they'll incure the wrath of club Chairman John Deere, and play badly and the Gaffer may well not be inclined to pick them for the next home game. 'May I suggest they bring a Ref's whistle, perhaps some goalie gloves, or an orange. Not to mention two pairs of shin pads, each', suggested one Tractoret fan, before joining the others on the trailor going to the match chanting, 'He's Fred, he's dead, he should have stayed in bed!, Laa Laaaa, Laa Laaaa'. To all involved, the very best of luck in the big game!