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THE FARMGATE THEORIES (1)...
OPEN LETTER TO THE EADT FROM HENRY WINTER OF THE DAILY TELEGRAPH SPORTS SUPPLEMENT
6th March 2002
Both the TFC manager and chairman might have a problem on their hands if they continue to treat players badly. I speak mainly of that staunch defender, and relative of the gaffer, Jamie Rountree. Claims of nepotism towards the beginning of this veteran's career with the Tractor boyz were unfounded as the Gaffer rightly decided that after early losses, Rountree's experience in past teams would be invaluable to the premiership's rookies. All well and good until an article written by Worzel in a match programme condemning Rountree for a 'mistake' against the Vipers. In this reporter's learned opinion there was nothing more that Rountree could have done to stop that shot, and the Gaffer should look to himself for the loss of the game (missed penalty) rather than a member of his team. Although his tactical knowledge is next to none, I do not believe that the Gaffer's man management is up to scratch, which it must be if TFC is to make it into the European places, an aim that is certainly in the Chairman's mind.
For an exciting team with a young manager it is important to keep the confidence high. While the team is winning that is easy to maintain, but what will happen when the team are in a relegation dog-fight? I leave that to your judgement.
REPLY TO HENRY WINTER BY JOHN DEERE
As I'm sure we all know, Jamie was bought by us mid season at the French Impressionist Bonhams Antique Bumper Sale, and since that time he has worked hard to fit into the frame here at Plough Lane. However, in recent weeks, Jamie has been critisised in the press for his defensive frailalties, most of which appear to have gone straight over his head. On behalf of the playing staff, however, who know a good signing when they see one, I have therefore been asked to tell him to concentrate on kissing good-bye to the lies of Worzel Gummage of the EADT, instead of simply the goalies bald head. The Gaffer suggested that you may want to utilise Monday, 7-8, as a good starting point! Failing that you can kiss his ass!!
THE FARMGATE THEORIES (2)...
The man from Plough Lane, he says, 'That's rubbish!'
By EADT roving reporter, Illene Over.
6th March 2002
When you're caught in bed with your girlfriend, the last thing you want is the duvet falling off. But in amazing scenes outside Plough Lane yesterday, this very much happened to the club when it was left standing naked infront of a string of accusing journo's. Worsrt of all the attacks came from within. This is something that the club will want to avoid if it is to continue its recent run of good form.
The allegations started when that ancient defender Jamie Rountree allowed his unchecked comments in a Hello interview to be overheard by none other than Henry Winter of the Telegraph Sports section. To add salt in the wound, however, Illene Over of the EADT, acting on a tip off involving free tickets for TFC matches, discovered that other members of the TFC were similarly unhappy about the clubs selection methods. Thus when she interviewed new winger Pineapple about handling free tickets courtesy of Delmonty, the head grounds man, she got the following response,
"I can't believe it. The big man, Del-boy-monty, has said 'yes'!. What a legend., now my familly can watch too', but when asked about Monday's team selection Pineapple said, 'I'm worried. I happen to know he selects only the finest of fruits. But that aint for his football team. Oh no. It's for his frickin fruit juice. Now I know why the Tractors re so keen to get hold of the Sideshow (piss poor footballer great tropical flava hairstyle). They've done a bastard deal with the fruit magnate. In return for one grand a Pineapple, Delmonty agrees to use only John Deere farm machinery. Well that's my conspiracy theory. But i tell you, if I even sniff a latino fruit juicer in the crowd, I promise I'm not getting pulped without a fight. "
Questions must be asked as to what is happening at Plough Lane in the wake of these scandals which are now commonly being termed as the Farmgate Conspiracies. It's a juicy story which will can only run and run since both players are taking on Aulds Elders U16 squad on Monday night.