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Tractor FC [9] v's Punishment FC [4], 17th November, 2003.
Punishment dealt with for sloppy shooting, by Adam Jessel

In their heyday, the Crazy Gang never employed a proper groundsman. Why would they? It wasn’t called Plough Lane for nothing. Vinny, Fash and ‘Arry (Bassett) were regularly spotted at nine o’clock on a Saturday morning bucket of water and pitch fork in hand. “Right Fash, let’s make agrikaltcha!” Vin would grin. Before a visit of (the then mighty) Liverpool, legend has it Vinny once discarded gardening tools in favour of tractor and passed the morning perfecting handbrake turns.

X-rays reveal that winning is due to the TFC Gaffer's
increased number of grey cells up top.

Herein lies the connection. Since its historic founding, the father of today’s “Tractor boys” has retained the spirit and philosophy of the Crazy Gang. Fans do not turn up in droves every Monday under the illusion they are to be entertained on a purists’ surface. It’s about winning ugly. Last week was no different. When the glamorous Punishment FC, with their exotic imports from Spain, South Africa and Surrey, rolled into Battersea Park, it was business as usual.

Arriving early to give the pitch its customary hosing down, the Tractor boys survived some early clinical finishing from Punishment. But they soon settled into their groove, placing seven men behind the ball. For Punishment, breeching the Tractor defence became like third base with Mother Theresa. An instinctive tightening rebuffed every penetrative move. The only gaping holes came at their own end, where Hawks and Wilko happily satisfied their scoring libidos. At the same time, Punishment’s efforts in front of goal went from the sublime to the ridiculous and a rousing climax failed to produce. Tractor ran out 8-7 winners, thanks in no small part to their colossal Aryan leader (ably supported by his captain and teamates).


For TFC: Phil, Robbo, Tim, Dickie, Ben, Wilko, Rob