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Tractor FC [10] v's Morgan Stanley FC [6], 27th October, 2002.
By Fredrick Auld


The Tractors were forced to make three changes from the side which overcame the Vipers two weeks ago: The Gaffer was absent due to 'work' reasons, the Hawk was caught up in a Sri Lankan rape-offending prison, and Bourny was pulling his muscle. So in came the Etonian-trio little Dave, Harry, plus the long awaited return of stand-in skipper Robbo, fresh from his boy-scouting trip in Menorca.

There had been alot of hype in the press regarding the physical and aggressive nature of El Presidente's crew and immediately the pint-sized striker was trying to pull a fast one over the Tractors. By only bringing six men Wilkins requested having a Tractor boy half way through the game. This request was firmly denied by Robbo but an agreement was made regarding scoring areas ensuring TFC weren't allowed to shoot too soon with any long-range lobs, and that the goalkeeper wasn't allowed outside his area.

However, the game eventually got underway and TFC must have forgotten to strap their belts on as they were immediately caught with their pants down - three-nil down after three minutes. They sorely missed the Gaffer's intrusctions and midfield aggression as they minced around the park looking like they had a bunch of bananas stuffed up their arses. No formation, structure, leadership - and the crowd let them know it too.

But as the game progressed and the lads settled under Robbo's calming influence, TFC slowly passed their way back into the game with Ginger Tony and Suckie leading the way. Quick, incisive passing led to well-worked goals and soon the Tractors were back to their own selves.

The 'build from the back" tactic, instilled in the players from their younger days at the Tractor Academy - previously run by Justin Fashanu, now Sol Campell - worked to perfection with every player chipping in with goals. The most impressive came from the Suckmeister. It was as if the big man was listening to his favourite band The Village People as he danced past three defenders like he was on the pull at Crocs, and then blasted his shot in the far corner as if to say 'bah-hoo, sucks to you, Fritz!" It's already a contendor for goal of the season and even the normaly poker-faced Iraqi couldn't help flashing a cheeky grin to his adoring male fans.

As the Tractors slotted more and more strikes home, the previously confident El Presidente team began to show the ultimate signs of a beaten team when heads dropped and angry gestures and words were exchanged. To be fair to them, they did have a man less but you can't expect to come to the fortress that is Plough Lane under-prepared. Let's hope they learned from their mistakes.

To make a game of it, Robbo sportingly agreed to play 'next goal wins' and an El Presidente player had a glorious chance to score the golden goal - but ended up the golden goose as he spooned his effort wide. Fittingly it was the ginger maverick who wrapped up the win for TFC as he smashed in a drive from the edge of the area to start the Ponting-pat style celebrations.

A quick drink was enjoyed by the bonkers boozing lads in the team with a visit from the Gaffer anxious to see how his team did, and they did him proud.

For the Tractors: Fred, Robbo, Harry, Suck, Adam, Tony,