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Tractor FC [7] v's Vipers FC [6], 25th November, 2002.
Tractors Ploughing in Uleyseum after heavenly victory!

Beneath the stands in a quaking tunnel before the game, the Gaffer gathered the troops together and uttered, 'Don't be afraid, for if you feel the wind in your shorts and green grass brushing through your fingers, there is nothing to fear, because you have already died and gone to heaven, and are in Uleyseum!'. The depth of these words was not lost on anyone, especially vice manager Robbo whose constant flicking through the big dic. helped keep everyone informed of what exactly the gaffer was on about. But for the more simple souls gathered there, whose heads nodded in time with the agreeing grunts of Ed and Fred, this momentous occasion in history was not lost. Like Spartacus's rebellion in AD123, these farming folk were about to come of age, and as they and let the dust of the playing field slip between their fingers, each vowed to take his revenge, either in this half, or the next.

Geordie, Gafferson: unfortunately not smiling any more.

With former vice captain Es banned by the FA (Forestry Association) for illegal felling of TFC limbs in the previous match, Simon 'Gafferson' Cadbury returned to add some bite to the Viper side. In addition with one man down and just minutes to go, Charlie Sparrow stood in as an honourary Viper and played magnificently for the team.

In a separate drama, security was finally able to remove Alex 'karaoke' Clayton from the commentry box where he had taken refuge after seeing club compare John 'Motty' Motson nipping out to squeeze out a number two before kick off. Accordingly both teams found themselves serenaded by the dulcet tones of 'Especially for You' as they took to the pitch, and the whoops of a record crowd let them know exactly what they thought of it.

Knowing that their Captian would rather die that be a slave to an all conquering Viper team, the Tractors took the fight to the opposition with Robbo signalling his return to the team with a well taken early goal. Others followed with the 'Pimps' Auld on the right providing a valuble service to that recenlty betrothed Tractor Tom in the center. Accordingly, after 20 minutes, the score stood heavily in TFC's favour at 6-3.

With the Vipers now openly hissing amongst themselves the Tractors could afford to take their hand gear stick and appreciate the situation they were. Against increasing levels of 'chatter' which only helped to amuse the TFC players, the heat turned up as errors allowed the Vipers to come back into the match. With the Tractors defending well, finally the score began to edge closer and with just 20 minutes to go the score stood at 5-6. A cruel, crucial and defining monent in the game then ocurred, when Tony, who had worked like a shire horse all game, sprung a surprise lunge on Sparrow who, facing his own goal, lost control and could only watch as the ball gently rolled back into his own net. It was to be the deciding goal in a close game but when the TFC ladies footy team arrived on the dot of eight to take over the pitch, only one team of victors were left standing. All around the crowd rose to their feet and with fists outstretched, saluted the players with a unanimous 'thumbs up'. Whilst Clayton generously offered everyone a hot tub back at his place, the rest of the Vipers, gallant in defeat, stood around questioning the time.

The tractors take the prize for 2002 with three games played against the Vipers, two won, 17 goals for, and 11 againt.

For the Tractors: Adam, Tony, Robbo[2], Tom[2], Ed, Fred[2], Gaffer
For the Vipers: Charlie Sparrow [1og], Gafferson, Claytona, Geordie, Batty