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Tractor FC [2] v's Vipers FC [2], 17th October, 2004.
Two Reports on the match follow....

On a damp Sunday afternoon under the floodlights of Battersea park two teams lined up to play each other. In one corner a blue clad brigade under the new charge of Ed Tremayne jumped up and down trying to keep warm. In the other, dressed in red with the crest of TFC proudly showing on their chest, the men of Tractor FC warmed up their engines and prepared to plough their oposition into the ground.

A bit dramatic, you may think, but nonetheless relevant given that these games have taken on a life of their own. Long before the ironically nicknamed Viper Captain, Ed "Tractor" Tremayne, took charge of his side, the Vipers were infact TFC's first ever opposition way back in February 2002. Indeed their early win in that game sparked numerous rematches which, as the teams bore down on each other on Sunday evening read 7 games, 34 Viper goals against 36 by TFC!

Like a shopkeeper in Croydon the TFC players once again found themselves looking down the barrel of a gun. The problem being that the shelves of the TFC shop, once full of youthful energy, now stand bare, robbed through injury. Indeed speculation is rife that it will take big spending by John Deere to replace this lost stock; Big Tim has not kicked a ball in 5 months, Tony remains on the physio's couch, Hawky's ankle plays up, Fred's involved with the kids at skool, Adam's winter sniffle has returned and Boozer remains clinically obese.

Once the match got under way all prayers to St Patrick were immediately ripped up as the Venimous snakes slid straight away into sssssixssssth gear. The Gaffer, by now praying to Moses for help against the tidal wave of Viper possession could only watch as shot after shot riquocheted off the surrounding stands and corner flags. Only once was the defensive line broken when Henry Moss broke through but failed to beat the keeper from a tight angle.

Despite this onslaught the TFC defense performed incedibly well, constantly reforming and marking well with debutant Tony certainly catching the dugouts attention. In the centre Rob Shieldswas playing well and Ewan and Rob Bowen battled brilliantly on the wings.

However, as the Petplace web site notes: "Venemous members of the pit viper family, rattlesnakes, copperheads and water moccasins, have broad triangular heads," and thus it was no surprise that the Viper's killer bite came from not only a corner but also by way of the towering presence of Geordie in the box.

Set pieces were beginning to reveal themselves as the weakeness in an otherwise steadily improving TFC game. Time and again Henry Moss whipped in flat corners that TFC found hard to get rid. Max Bains, marshalling the box well, even headed two two shots off the line whilst Dickie effectively scored at the other end via a cross and own goal.

At half time it stood at 1-1. Bobby went back into goal and the Gaffer joined defense. Charlie Sparrow moved up front to join Dickie and Wilko sat in the centre with Rob Shields who was busily playing his third game in the same weekend. Almost immediately Bobby produced a cracking save and Harry "hands" Goad caused outrage in the box as penalty claims for a dubious hand ball fell on deaf ears. At the far end of the pitch, unknown to all there, Ed Tremayne gritted his teeth and muttered "Your time will come..!"

From another Moss/Geordie corner the Vipers went 2-1 ahead. Undetered and pushing forward TFC broke excellently on the left eventually leaving Rob Bowen, left of centre, bearing down on goal. With just Tremayne to beat he pushed it passed him only to find himself cynically upended in the box. Versions of the event are varied. As discussions went on Rob pieced himself back together and muttered "Your time will come...!". Below is what the Vipers claimed happened and then reality!

Ed Tremayne's take on the GBH/penalty appeal


Aftermarth of a well timed Tremmers tackle

Later on it was to be. Max Bains picked the ball up on the right and whipped it in. Rob Bowen, who appears to only score wonder goals these days, pulled it out the bag in the night! Right of centre, 15yrds out and under pressure he flicked the ball towards goal, up over the keeper and into the top right. Goal of the seaon - 2-2.

Great game enjoyed by all with both teams taking away something for the season.


For the Tractors: Tom, Rob, Tony, Harry, Max, Gaffer, Rob, Sparra, Bowen, Fletch, Dickie
For the Vipers: De Maup, Tremmers, Moss, Geordie, Clayts


"Gaffers Goal-tending noted by Scouts", by TFC player Tom Wilkins

On a night where the the opposition peppered TFC's goal from far and near, our cpt between the sticks stood up to be counted.

When the team sheet was first distributed, there were obvious concerns that the gaffers outfield prowess would be sorely missed. However, those combative skills were reproduced through some oustanding saves, blocks and clearances. The defence worked hard at protecting the gaffer and for the best part of the match, he could watch shots sail over the bar and wide of the posts. Two even clearing the back fencing, kicks that our Jonny would have been proud of.

Save of the game came late in the first half when the vipers left back had been let in through the left channel and was one-on-one with the gaffer. He stood tall, he stood bravely and blocked superbly at point blank range.

Further saves were to follow, but after some half time chitchat, the gloves were handed over to Sir.bobby as were some vital tips of the trade. This divulgence of knowledge proved fruitful when early on in the second half, a looping header was graciously palmed over the bar by the new keeps. A grand save.

Gaffer continued to boss his penalty area and was arguably more effectual at dealing with the vipers tricky corners (which they'd clearly been up all night planning, sad sad sad) without the gloves. Doing enough to put off their rather large johnny who was regularly wrapped around TFC's far post (sic:intentional pun)

So all in all, a captains display both in and out of net. Enough of the trying to get myself a guarenteed place in the next game, I'm off to find 49 arsenal fans to abuse.