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Tractor FC [9] v's Vipers [3], 13th October, 2003.
TFC charm rattles the trouser snakes
Two weeks of practace, they were trained, ready. But then on the Monday there was a problem. The messages started arriving at 5pm that afternoon and I’ll spare you none of the details as I’m sure your imagination will benefit from the exercise;
16:16 from TFC stiker
‘just spent last half hour emptrying guts and bowels.
Better have someone on standby just in case.
should pull through’
16:26
Just returned all of lunch, feeling better already, bloody stir-fry! Am sure I didn't have carrot I'll be there!
16:56
Bring a bucket and some bog-roll just in case If you have a port-a-loo, even better!!
It was serious, and as obvious to the Gaffer as everyone in carriage 42 on the Northern line travelling south towards Clapham Common that night, that the lead striker for TFC had been nobbled just hours before the match!
With the first game of the season just minutes away it was a time to turn to the faithful, a time to call on those we could trust to fill the boots of the missing striker as easily as he had been filling his kegs all afternoon. For some, six weeks out injured would be enough to shy away from a mighty encounter, but not this General. ‘I’m there’, he barked down the phone. Big Tim was in, it was 7:20pm, and we were ready!
TFC - High klass rollers
Tractor FC can rightly be said to have been nervous about going into this match so early on in the season, but even then additional tensions were raised when Josh ‘the hat’ Viper landed the game in shame by having a heated debate with the playing staff over whether he had, or had not, nicked the football he had politely asked them to pump up. His assertions that he was infact out on the town on the night of the crime, in Sketch(leys), will no doubt help prove his innocence although there is little doubt that certain clubs overtly Burberry bling bling lifestyle does little if attract trouble. After all yet another crap scandal that runs and runs is the last thing that people want to be reading about.
With TFC playing up the pitch the Vipers looked good in the opening session but it was clever passing from Robbo that allowed the Gaffer to open the scoring by stroking the ball into the side netting beyond the Burberry gloved hands of a diving Vipers keeper.
TFC - Players with a sense of style
Though rattled snakes, the Vipers quickly hit back scoring directly from the kick-off whilst the TFC goalies were changing. Booo’s echoed around the ground as TFC returned to the blocks and the Hisses continued until club captain Fred Auld, linking well with Robbo, came to the rescue. Fred, picking the ball up in attack, shrugged off defenders as he raced for the line. Just yards out he tee’d himself up and toe punted the ground with such velocity that merely the aftershock of the strike was enough to bobble the ball goal through a bemused keepers feet. 2-1.
With Ben piling on the pressure at the front, Adam, Charlie and Ed linking seamlessly in the middle, TFC did’nt concede the lead again. Adam was able to defeat the keep in a one on one with a shot that vitually broke the net whilst Ed produced the kind of angel on a shot that leads one to misspel. Sustaining pressure for much of the second half TFC were nevertheless able to edge away from their rivals with timely goals and strong moves. When the final whistle came the score stood at 9-3 with the TFC Man of the Match bottle of Lambrusco going to Charlie Sparrow.
TFC:Adam, Tim, Phil, Robbo, Sparra, Ben, Fred, Suck
Vipers:Josh, miles, clayts, beetle, tris, james purnell + james dauman
